The Biggest Loser, Not Just a Show on NBC

A few months ago I experienced some sort of life change.  As you may know, I decided to start writing a blog because of this ONE HORRIBLE DATE that I had.  I blame my ego for assuming that I would be going on all these dates and later writing about the experience, but writing a blog about bad dates only works when you are going on bad dates - actually ... it only works when you are going on dates, period.  Apparently, I must be walking around with leprosy … but then I said to myself, it can’t be Leprosy, maybe I just need to get my ass into shape (because if one more person tells me, “Wow, you are really pretty for a fat girl”, I swear I am going to purchase a gun and shoot them in the face with it or maybe I’ll just tie them to a bed and shove fried chicken and cake down their throat), because THAT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT, ASSHOLE!!!

This is me: Challenge weigh-in day and with the cash

I think I have struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I am not morbidly obese, but throughout the years I’ve only managed to get bigger and I am no longer in the healthy weight range.  It has taken me many, many years to accept this and to actually be semi “OK” with the fact that I am a ... BBW.  Yes.  I said it, “I AM A BIG BEAUTIFUL WOMAN"!  I will say this:  My weight has never deterred me from living my life (except for minor things like: jumping on a stripper pole or perhaps wearing a mini dress in public or walking around in a bikini) nor has it affected my romantic/sexual life.  Believe me when I say: There is someone out there for everyone and there are men out there (even the hot, model types) that LOVE a thick chick (don’t let them tell you otherwise - BECAUSE THEY ARE LYING!!!).  Besides, a majority of it IS personality and I can vouch for that – BELIEVE ME when I tell you that personality goes a loooooong way.  Anyway, one day, I finally got a wake-up call and her name is: MY SISTER.  Only a sister can destroy you with words and get away with it.  Although I didn't speak to her for 3 days because of the things she said to me, I now thank her everyday because of the things she said to me.  It’s OK to be big and own it, but it’s not OK to be big and unhealthy.  Whether or not you accept yourself for whom you are is up to you, but deep down inside, no matter how good I’ve gotten at hiding it, I was extremely unhappy and not to mention lazy, tired and slowly killing myself – health wise. 

I'm in it to win it, WHORES!!!

… and so was born The Biggest Loser.

 A group of us (12 friends including myself) decided that we all needed to kick our fat in the ass and wave it goodbye.  July 1^st, the start of our new and improved life.  It’s unfortunate that it took $1,200.00, for me (or us) to realize that I’m too fat and I need to lose weight, but FUCK. THAT. SHIT!  If money is what it takes, then I’m in it to win it!!!  This competition has brought out the worst in us, personality-wise.  Especially Frank (I got permission to put him on blast, FYI – he can’t sue me), the mother-fucking troll who has spent the greater part of this competition trying to sabotage our progress, by posting pictures of the most delicious treats and by delivering 3 dozen donuts to our houses.  What. The FUCK, Who the fuck does that!?!  

What kind of human being does this!?!  Who are these people that I once called friends? 

Who does this!?

Just so you know, when I told my friend that I sprained my ankle, this was his response:

Ruthless Psychopath

It's only been one whole week and already, the claws have come out.  This competition has turned into a fight to the finish.  Apparently, this competition has also made me believe that I'm Flo Jo and that I'm competing in the 1988 Olympics, but obviously I'm not her because I managed to sprain my ankle last week, 2 DAYS INTO THIS FUCKING COMPETITION, while I was doing high-knees as if someone shoved a firecracker up my ass.  I've been out of commission for the past week, but my diet has been stricter than ever ... well, except for Saturday when I went camping and decided to shove three hot dogs and a coca-cola down my throat, followed by an ice cone (YIKES!!!).  One cheat day is OK, I read somewhere that cheat days help with your Leptin levels (often referred to as your starvation hormone - LOOK IT UP PEOPLE!  This blog is not about the facts, it is about a fat people competition!!!).

Anyway, I would like to end this blog on a positive note.  I want to wish all my fellow competitors the best of luck for the next 60 days.  Although we all secretly wish everyone else breaks a legs or gives in to a 5lb bowl on Fettuccine Alfredo, I'm sure deep down inside we all know that at the end of it all there will be no losers.  It doesn't matter who gets to the finish line first, the point is that we will all get to the finish line - that right there is the real prize - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand the money doesn't hurt either, haha!!!

P.S. If anyone recognizes or sees this grimey mutha fucka, I think I speak for everyone in the competition when I say, "Beat him with a bat and then throw some fried chicken, ice cream and some buffalo wings at him - he LOVES those!!!".

Grimey Asian

 Good Luck y'all!!!