Shit Girls Talk About: MUST-HAVES (If you get offended easily - don't bother reading)

Upon the many conversations I've had with my girlfriends, I started realizing that as women, we sometimes make impossible requests.  There are certain things that we NEED and WANT, but of course, like everything else in the world - you can't have it all.  I may be wrong (and by all means I am open to ALL suggestions), but here is a list of the must-haves (that I thought were reasonable) that are of no contest when it comes to dating us:

1. You must have a job
2. You don't have to be super hot, just be charming
3. You just have to be well groomed and clean! Smelling like you just rubbed a turd all over your body and your teeth is not acceptable.  Handle that - and while you are at it, take care of that smile!!!
4. Please dress decent.  You don't need to look like you walked off GQ (although that wouldn't hurt), but don't look sloppy - and please! No Ed Hardy shirts and "popped collars"
5. You must have a job (yes I said it twice.  It's that important) ... We don't care what that job is (just kidding, we do care.  Being a cashier at Target will not cut it), we just need to know that there is stability, a decent pay, benefits and STABILITY
6. Stay away from the law.  Period.
7. Make us laugh.  Like seriously we love to laugh
8. Sporadic foot massages - they will get you far
9. You don't have to be Bobby Flay, but know how to fry up some eggs; toast up some bread; cook up some rice; throw some lemon on a tomato - bitches love shit like that.
10. BYOR (Bring Your Own Razor) don't be afraid and at times, give us a hand down there - After all, the poon is just for you
11. Must be a man of integrity.  If you say you'll do something, just do it.
12. HONESTY!!!  Don't be a liar and if you are going to lie, learn to do it RIGHT, because I WILL catch you (we are always one step ahead), make your life hell and kill you ... OK, I won't kill you, but I might pull out a knife on you ... as a scare tactic
13. BE FUCKING FAITHFUL (please see No. 12)!!!  If you choose me - please only be with me.  Learn to keep your dick in your pants or I will cut it off.  JUST KIDDING.  If I cut off your dick, you are of no use to me
14. You know how you dudes love a freak in the sheets?  Well, we need you to know your way around too.  Nobody has time to whip out a fucking map and a set of instructions.  Learn ya' D game
15. And yes .. I'm sorry fellas: along with good D game comes a nice size D!!!  If you don't have it, we will talk about it and laugh about it and compare it to every single one we've ever seen.  Chances are, it's just not gonna work out
16. This is for one of my friends:  Tall, Dark and Handsome.  She is a fan of the chocolate ... and they aren't so bad ... just saying.
17.  Please don't be cocky and please don't be a cornball, every girl loves a challenge and some mystery
18.  Please be ambitious and get yourself a fucking job!!! PLEASE!!!!  Just have a job.
19. You know how you guys love blow-jobs?  Well sometimes we like shoes or a nice leather bag or maybe some jewelry ... just saying

20. There should only be one of us, in the relationship, with a fucking vagina. Please leave your melo-dramatic, depressive, needy bullshit at the door. It's not welcome here

21. We will be true to you and support throughout everything and in turn let the chivalry come out. It's not 1950, but I still like to think that there is a gentleman in every one of you. It's in there ... Don't be shy. Let it out. 
22. Lastly, please love us unconditionally.  We have to deal with your stupidity, so don't judge us for being a little crazy.  Crazy can be exciting ... and who doesn't love a good adventure (that doesn't involve knives ... and restraining orders ... and the police)

Enjoy your weekend everybody!!!

Don't forget that razor fellas!!!