1.
Mr. I’m The Man and You Are My
Subordinate Wife. He was special … but in that Ike Turner kind of way;
pretty much my first serious boyfriend. I was 18 (young and dumb), and I REALLY
thought that this was love. Even though
he wasn’t “my first”, he definitely unleashed the little sex kitten that had
been lying dormant within me (thank you for making my sex life as amazing as it
has been). In that aspect, I learned A
LOT from him – but it ends there. I
changed who I was for this guy and even gave up my friends to make him
happy. I’m embarrassed to mention
everything else that took place in that relationship. At the end of it all, no one was happy
because my loneliness and misery lead to his misery, which then led to a series
of ugly and dangerous fights. He was the
epitome of what a controlling, male-chauvinist is … I’m surprised he never
tried to cut off my clit and toss it into a bucket.
2. Mr. Love of My Life. He was the rebound that lasted 6 years
that took me 3 years to get over. I
immediately began dating him after No.1 – like literally – like 2 weeks
after. I could write a 400 page article
about Mr. Love of My Life, but I promise to keep it under 400 words instead. We broke up because we had to, not because we
wanted to. I’m about to get corny in 3 …
2 … 1 … Our love was once like a beautiful flower that eventually began to
slowly wilt away (You’re welcome Shakespeare).
I learned from Mr. Love of My Life what is to truly love with your
heart, body and soul: That head-over-heels, dizzy, sick-to-your-stomach, no
one-else-exists, heart-being-ripped-out-of-your-chest, natural-head rush-high,
walk-on-hot-coals-for-you kind of love.
He and I had a connection that I had never felt with anyone before. He did show me kindness, emotional support,
sincerity and A LOT of love and how to enjoy life but he also had his issues
and insecurities. He had a lot of growing up to do and eventually, the
possibility of a future with him slowly began to dissipate. The bad boy
that was good just for me and I will always love him. Always.
3. Mr. Friend with Benefits. Although married, we developed a great friendship
and one day, things just went straight to the next level. This is not something that I am proud of
y'all, but it was also something that was never planned. We seriously were just friends – believe it
or not, and really? Am I the ONLY girl
that has ever been in this situation? So no judging, please! He was the penis rock that I leaned on
after my break-up with Mr. Love of My Life.
If there's anything I learned from this one it's that just because
a guy is married, doesn’t mean he won’t cheat on his wife. Call me naïve, but had it not been for that
little sexcapade, I would have never thought otherwise. Additionally,
I learned that I am capable of having meaningless sex … I think this is a
great thing when you are single and in your prime sexual age! I’m just
saying, it helps to be a robot sometimes.
4. Mr. Almost Became My Husband. I
hate talking about this one, probably because I still feel guilty about it. I was engaged to the best and nicest guy I
have ever met and dated (until I meet my husband, of course!) … and then I left
him. He is the guy that every girl
wishes she could meet and marry. A knight
in shining armor from a fairytale – that was him … and of course, I was never
able to love him the way he loved me. I
went to therapy for leaving this one. I
was at a weird place in my life when we met.
He was everything that Mr. Love of My Life wasn’t and I truly thought
that I wanted to settle down … but it’s hard to keep a wild bird caged, when
all they want to do is fly freely (spoken like a poetic Jesus, I know). I learned from him that there are still
thousands of things I want to explore and do before I’m married with children. Not that marriage and children are bad
things, but I am not ready for that life.
I’m 95% positive that had we gotten married then, we would be divorced
by now. I don’t know if in the future I will ever regret my decision to
have left him, but I do know that I wasn’t happy in that relationship and not
listening to your heart can be your biggest regret of all.
5. Mr. Accidental Heart-Breaker. This
was a VERY brief but very important occurrence in my life. I can’t say that this guy is 100% entirely at
fault for our demise; however, sometimes it’s just easier to point a
finger. I don’t think we ever got off on
the right foot to begin with and we just never managed to balance out
thereafter, which makes me believe that perhaps we weren't meant to meet. Even though I can no longer stand this guy, I
have no choice but to deal with the fact that I have to see him the rest of my
life because of mutual friends who happen to be my family. The
reason why he made the cut on this list is simply because after the past five
years (and all the bullshit and ups and downs), he was the first and only guy
after Mr. Love of My Life that I actually felt a connection with. I
don’t know what it was about him, but I felt myself falling for him - I know,
crazy. I learned from him that there is hope; that even after all the
heartbreaks and disappointments I still had some love in my heart and even
being in my 30’s, love has not yet left my side.
HAPPY NEW YEAR
EVERYBODY!
May 2014 bring you great health, an
overabundance of happiness and an overindulgence of love!
