Welcome Back To Single-hood!!!

One of ma' ladies is recently new to the single scene after a very bad break-up with her boyfriend of 5 years (and for the record, I got the OK from her to write about this).  I will not go into details, but we can just say that he practically pulled the rug out from underneath her.  I had the pleasure of going out with her this past weekend in order to pop her, “Welcome Back to Single-hood” cherry and try to get her mind off the situation – I mean, who can say no to Mexican food and margaritas!?  If I could, I would make up a reason to celebrate ANYTHING, if it meant shoving a burrito down my throat and washing it down with some tequila!  I am NOT getting paid to promote them, but I HIGHLY recommend: Cascabel Taqueria

Although there is not much that you can say to someone who's going through a break-up, I know one thing that's for sure: A break-up is never easy to deal with.  It doesn't matter the situation, how old you are or how many break-ups you've gone through - breakups fucking suck ... A LOT.  We've all been there, at least once.  I'm also sure that we've all had that ONE break-up that left us feeling like we were going to die from it.  The only advice that I could give is: Take as much time as you need to cry it AAAAAAAALL out and once you are done crying, call me up so we can drink the pain away ... Did you survive that? GREAT!!! You are one step closer to the newer and better YOU.  Even though it is easier said than done, you know what?  I did it and I'm still here AND I'm still breathing and so is everyone else that (at one point in their lives) had to walk away from the person that they loved the most.  My favorite part of all of this was when ma' lady asked me how long it took me to get over J1.  My reply?  3 years.  I think I saw her black out, for like a second.  Hey ... everyone deals with breakups in their own way and at their own pace.

I think this is pretty accurate

As we all know (because I'm pretty loud about it), I am no stranger to the single life as I have been single for a good 5 years.  Don’t get me wrong, there have been a couple of long-runners in there (and I don't mean inside my vagina *Boom Boom Psssh*), but no one that I truly considered serious enough to be a boyfriend … Ok, maybe there was one – OK FINE, I’ve been single for 3 years not 5, people!!!  Anyway y’all … I am no stranger to the single life.  For the past THREE years, I have been traveling down the 'singles' road.  There have been some bumps and holes along the way and sure enough I've had those moments where I've felt pretty lonely at times, but overall it’s been a great experience.  There is something about being a party of one that makes you feel empowered.  The ability to do as you wish and to do who you wish (winks), IS AMAZING!!! 

If I could be an advocate for the single life, the following points would be my mantra:

  1. A shitload of guy friends that I don't have to explain

  2. I can eat what I want

  3. I don't always have to shave and be on top of my game

  4. I don't have to explain anything ... to anyone

  5. Slumber parties (yes, they still happen at 30 and they are that much better)

  6. I can eat what I want - that's right I said it twice

  7. Sappy crying movies and not worrying about the puffy, red eyes that follow

  8. No relationship: worries/drama/trouble

Look at this y'all!  I found an article that explains what we go through after a break-up.  I found it very insightful!  A definite MUST-READ: Tristan Coopersmith: 7 Stages of a Breakup

It's so hard to walk away from the person that knows us better than we know ourselves; THAT person that your heart skips a beat for, but trust me when I say: sometimes it's just better to walk away.   When you are at your most vulnerable, I know how much easier it would be to give in and take the person back (that has now severely fucked you over), but it would only be a temporary fix.  Sure, you will have this happy high, but once that goes away what do you have then?  And ask yourself this: could you, in your heart of hearts, truly ever trust this person again and believe in them?  I think, sometimes we become so blinded in a relationship that we lose ourselves and we also lose sight of the future we had once hoped for.  It then just becomes easier to settle with what we have, because we are just so comfortable in our current situation.  That's not to say that relationships can't be fixed, because some relationships have that potential.  It's just a matter of realizing and accepting that often times, the fixing is impossible and you HAVE TO walk away with your dignity and just let it go.  It took a 6 year relationship + 3 years of healing for me to learn that.

Despite all the ups and downs and my terrible dating record, right NOW is the happiest I've ever been.  I know ma' lady doesn't feel the same way that I do at this particular moment, but one day she is going to wake up feeling as if the bag of bricks have finally been lifted off her chest.  Besides, she has so much to look forward to now: Free dinners, wild nights, much-needed alone time AND an entire world of JB's and Lingerers and other freaks that are waiting to get their hands on her and send her running in the opposite direction.  But don't worry, because life has a way of working itself out (someone once told me that) and while it's doing just that, I will be here: to listen to your stories, to get you disgustingly drunk and to support you every step of the way because you are NOT alone!  I promise, it will only get better - Welcome to single-hood Doll!!!

CHEERS!!!