I recently wrote my first blog for the 2015 year, which went something along the lines of explaining why I will continue to be the same awesomely selfish me as opposed to succumbing to the whole "New Year New Me" idealist crap. I am not looking retract any of my statements as I do NOT ever regret anything that I write, but I feel that perhaps it was a very opinionated and biased piece and I would therefore like to rectify the way in which my own words might have made you perceive me.
So, let's just put it out there: You and I have lived very different lives since I could remember:
I have always been selfish. The spoiled and bratty little sister with absolutely no one to think about but herself. I have to wake up every day, make sure I make it to work (on time), collect my paycheck every week, pay my bills, save some money and make sure I have enough to go and party on the weekend or enough to plan my next vacation. That is my life.
YOU have always been the selfless older sister. Your life, consists of keeping a clean home, working, paying bills, tending to your husband, making sure things get done, running errands, cooking for your family, taking care of your children – making sure they are loved, safe, not hungry, clean, sheltered, bathed and you do this all before even taking care of your own needs. I don’t even think I've begun to scratch the surface of all the hard work and dedication you put forth.
I get it. I see it.
Through our many talks and fights and cries, I want you to know that I've embraced my life mainly because I have no other choice. I know you all want to see me settled down and married, but it's just not in the cards for me. I can either lock myself up in a room and cry about it or I can take the higher road and make the most of the NOW … I think I’ll choose the latter. And so, that is me: I’m a single, childless, happy as can be, free, 32 year old woman. That is who I am ... and that is the life I live: the life of a single, childless, happy as can be, free, 32 year old woman. I don’t want you to read that statement and think I’m insinuating that married woman and mothers are miserable and confined, because that is far from the truth. I applaud you, as a mother and wife; however, I am aware that there is a freedom that comes with being in my situation and I’m going to enjoy it and gloat in it while I still can.
Not so long ago, I got to see up close what goes into a marriage and having kids and while it is obvious that not every situation is the same, it did reassure my reservations about getting hitched and popping out some mini me’s. I have yet to experience the beauty of what real unconditional love is: the love that knows no boundaries and tests your strengths and capabilities and your sanity and that more often than not, will wear your patience thin; the love that you feel in your heart when you come home and your little baby boys look at you, with their lit up eyes and a smile so warm and a laugh so genuine and innocent that it makes you forget all the hurt and sadness and trials that life, at times, throws at you. I hope to one day have that - but until that day, I need you to understand that THAT is not the life I'm choosing to live ... for right now. But as selfish as I can be, I can also love (in my own weird way) the only way that a sister or a super cool, free-spirited Aunt know how to and there is nothing selfish about that.
|Sweet Dee and Nat Da Brat 4 evaaaaaa!!!|