Bathroom Love ...

Dear Kiko:

We met by chance in a winsome little bar in Williamsburg on Saturday night.  I was out with family for the night with no expectations of meeting ANYONE, so little that I had on my "I don't give a fuck I'm just going out for a beer or 4" outfit.

... and then, I had to pee.

As I walked down the stairs into a creepy dim-lit narrow hallway, there you were - standing - up against the wall. and all I could see was your back ... quite a handsome back if I do say so myself.

I stood in line behind you patiently waiting my turn, but I had to pee soooooooooo bad.  So, I gracefully tapped you on the shoulder and asked if each stall was for, "guys and girls or are these gender neutral".  To which you replied, "I'm sorry doll, it's for both".  Doll.  DOLL.  *swoons* ... and then you introduced yourself and stuck out your hand out to shake mine - like a true gentleman.  Now, normally, because of all this Ebola hoopla and because we were on line of a not-so-clean bathroom, I wouldn't have touched you, but you were so you and you spoke to my soul when you said how much you loved wine and the vineyards, I just couldn't resist the urge to take your hand in mine.

SIDE NOTE to my readers:  He washed his hands and even dried them properly with 2 paper towels and disposed of said paper towels in the appropriate receptacle and not on the floor.

You asked for my number and I left the bar shortly thereafter.

You haven't yet called.

Kiko, did I offend you in any way by the bathroom?  I'm sorry I stared at you while you engaged in your act of cleanliness.  Did I look too sweaty?  It was just so hot in that damn bar - I mean who puts on heat this time of year!?! It hasn't even reached the mid-40's yet!  We were so inappropriately close to each other on that line, was my breath smelling too hoppy!?!?  I usually have gum on me (I'm always so conscious about these things), but what can you really fit into a wristlet?

Maybe I'll hear from you, but if I never do ... I hope you continue to chase your dreams with your sexy 'stache and a wine glass in your clean, urine free hands.

Until next time ...

That Moment In My Life Where I Channeled Oprah ...

You have to forgive me, it's been almost 10 months since I last blogged about ANYTHING at all.  I have to be honest, we were a little preoccupied with a little something called a relationship (and by we, I mean my vagina and I) - consistency is nice, I must say.


Any who ... I spend the first half of the year in a relationship with that good guy that I took a chance on.  SPOILER ALERT: It didn't workout - and that's okay.  There really isn't much to say about it - Life brought someone into my life for a reason and took him out of my life for a reason.

Through every break-up or whatever relationship bullshit I've dealt with in my life I always tend to walk away looking and feeling like that moment when your DVR decided NOT to record the last 10 mins of the season finale cliffhanger of your favorite show.  This time though, it was different ...

Just after the relationship ended, for about a day or two I had that moment.  My Pepa patiently sat on the phone with me, for about an hour, and just listened while I bawled my eyes out.  I cried myself to sleep that night thinking of the things I did wrong in the relationship and why at 32 years old, I had failed as a woman and couldn't even make ONE relationship work ... then @ 7am when I woke up for work, it happened.  At some point during the night of trauma, I had gone to bed a broken woman and woke up as Oprah.

It was a beautiful moment for me.  I wasn't sad or hurt, I felt empowered.  I had finally realized the beauty of being in a relationship in my 30's.  I knew what it was I wanted in life and I stood up for the things I believed in.  And while no one is ever perfect, I knew in my heart that I was never anything less than a good woman to this person.  Unfortunately, I was never able to make them happy, but I'll tell you what I was able to do, tell them to go fuck themselves for treating me as if I was a worthless piece of shit.  I never used those exact words - I am a lady after-all and sometimes we just have to suppress that language and #keepitclassy, ladies.

"Not everything is supposed to become something beautiful and long-lasting.  Sometimes people come into your life to show you what is right and what is wrong, to show you who you can be, to teach you love yourself, to make you feel better for a little while, or to just be someone to walk with at night and spill your life to.  Not everyone is going to stay forever, and we still have to keep on going and thank them for what they've given us" - Emery Allen

Not long after the break-up I stumbled upon this quote and of course, it made perfectly good sense.  Not everything is meant to be ever-lasting and this person walked into my life to teach me that I DO love myself, enough to respect myself and know that it was time to walk away and for that I thank you and I wish you all the best.

YOU CAN FUCK OFF AND YOU CAN FUCK OFF - EVERYYYBODYYYY CAN FUCK OFF!!!!!!!!!!   <3

Until next time ...