JB, At This Point, Let’s Just Lie About the Fact THAT We Met

Remember when I went on about how great online dating CAN be?  Well, sometimes, it’s not.  Here’s my disclaimer:  Online dating can suck because sometimes you get a real winner and his name is JB or asshole … it really depends.

On Mother’s Day, I received a lovely little text from JB.  The text went something along the lines of, “I’m sorry for the way I acted ... I was drunk and nervous (deadly combination if I do say so) … We are different, but I would like to go out with you again so we can really get to know each other”.  Really get to know each other?  As in rubbing your balls up against my OTHER thigh?  Although I love a good adventure, sometimes, you just have to know when to say no.  I put my big girl panties on and decided that I should just be upfront with JB and let him down like an adult. 

**Please refer to the attached photographs to see the painful deterioration of that supposed adult conversation.**

For once, I actually tried to be honest in a tactful, respectful way and it backfired.  This only supports my theory: When in doubt, just flake.  I’d rather be a flaky bitch, than get cursed out by a guy that can't even distinguish the difference between my fucking eyebrows and eyelashes.  I almost want to send JB a picture of the two and label it - with like neon colors and flashing lights.  I mean really …

Just a little side note here: Despite the deadbeat Bouncer (who apparently threw away my number like it was a filthy napkin) and JB, I did come across some interesting guys on my online profile and by interesting - I mean they don’t look crazy (my favorites are the profile pictures that look like they were taken at your local county jail).  Not that I don’t have my own issues, but a girl's gotta have her standards – just saying.  OH! I also love the guys that put up pictures and say things like, “me sitting in my car”; “me sitting by a tree”; “me walking into a bar”.  First of all, I would like to commend you on your amazing creativity.  Secondly, thank you for the descriptions – I wouldn’t want to misinterpret what’s happening in the photo.  I’m sure you’re probably asking yourself, “What the hell is she talking about?  What the hell does the title have to do with any of this”?  Please, allow me to explain.  It doesn’t.  I’m just angry now and I needed to write down my thoughts.  I think I need an online dating break.

But, please, let's get back to JB.  WTF JB.  Your Third Eye!?!  Well excuse me Cyclops ... and let me just say this, your third eye needs to go to the optometrist because it failed to see how you practically violated my body.  Explain that one JB!?! ... and WHAT do you mean you sensed that I don't know what I want - IT WAS A FIRST DATE!!!! How could you know!?  How could anyone know!?  You could barely hear what I was saying through the loud music and screaming.  I'll tell you what I DIDN'T want ... Your balls - in my personal space.  Oh and this is my favorite: " Thank God, I didn't take you to Dave and Busters".  Whoa ... slow down Oprah - not sure I'm ready for all that big-time spending.  "Woulda" "Dic" ... That's all I have to say about that.

I feel quite confident that this is the last I'll be hearing of JB.  I'm sorry that it had to end on such a bad note ... but seriously JB, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you.  Thank you for the great stories!  Asshole.